I love the way you flip your hair. I love your crooked smile. I love the way you smell. I love your voice when you’re tired. I love your laugh. I love the way you don’t care. I love how we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say.I love the way my stomach still fills with butterflies every time we talk. I love that when you held me I felt totally safe and content and infinite.
I hate how you’re not ready for commitment. I hate that you party too much. I hate that you flirt with every girl. I hate that you fuck every girl. I hate how you talk about other girls in front of me. I hate how you act like everything that happened between us never happened. I hate how you don’t realize how much you hurt me. How much every time you talk to me you hurt me more. I hate how you blame things on me. I hate how you call me a bitch when all in trying to do is not break down when I’m around you. I hate how I never told you how I really felt about things. About you. I hate how manipulative you are. I hate your friends. I hate how oblivious you are too everything. I hate how you’re ruining your life. I hate that I thought I could fix you, save you. I hate how vulnerable you make me feel.
But I want to hate you. Whenever I think about you all I want to feel is hate, nothing else, just hate. Whenever I see you I want to feel nothing. Whenever you talk to me I want to tell you to I hate you. But I don’t hate you, I can’t feel nothing, and I can’t tell you something that isn’t true. And I hate that.
